FINALLY GOT SOME GOOD NEWS THAT PULLED ME OUT OF MY MANIC STATE!!

[DanSteelMan]

As most of you who know me, Know that Im back in the states. For a few reasons actually...Mainly because after my motorbike wreck in 2004, I started to drink. Heavily. I was an asshole and abusive to my wife and step son. I wasnt getting the medical care I needed and I was still not over my ex. I was trying to come to the USA and was speaking with my ex which broke my wifes heart. There was an "incident" that my step son witnessed so I was basically kicked out. And since I have come back, I've been screwing up on a regular basis. I had a DUI, Totalled my car, havent been to court yet for that. For some reason this alcoholism has ruined every bit of my life.
I am ashamed. My wife cares for me but is no longer in love with me. I can only come back home after I am fixed. I have lost my passport and visa as well. Now I have to start working and save money. I cant work without proper intensive rehab for my brain injury and I also have looked in to inpatient drug and alcohol treatment. I have been waiting on approval for medicaid here in PA. I cant drive as Im no longer insured so that was going to make things tricky. I have been very suicidal and even checked myself in to the ER because I was afraid of what I might do. This injury has massivly effected my judgement and I cant seem to do anything right.
I checked the mail today. IT WAS MY APPROVAL LETTER FOR MEDICAID! See, I have medicare and medicaid. The states is paying my medicare fees. So what one doesnt cover, the other does. Hence, ZERO cost to me for meds, docs, or anything to do with medical. More docs take medicare than medicaid, so when I see my medicare doctors, medicaid will pick up the rest of the tab. Im on a waiting list for some intense inpatient therapy. This facility is like a resort. Now in the interim, I was upset because I have no care while I wait because I am unable to drive. After doing a bit of research, since Im disabled and epileptic I found that my county I live in has a program for people like me and I can get a ride, for free, to ANYTHING medical. Even going to CVS to get scripts! So, now I can start out patient Neuro-rehab and see psych docs too! Plus, since I will be in the drug and alcohol program, It will help me come off some anxiety medication that I hate to have to take.
Before my accident I was VERY traumatized as a child. I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. For many many years. I can now get to the root of my anger and come to terms with all of the things that happened to me. I have been waiting for this since June of 2004. This is a HUGE step. Im having to learn to live on my own and not rely on anyone but myself. I never had to do that before and Im bloody excited. My wife is getting her husband back and I'll be better than before. This may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you, But crap! This is my life and its finally moving forward in a positive direction! I have been in a manic state of depression. My wife still loves me, just not in love. She wants the daniel back she knew before the wreck. Im going to prove to everyone that I can beat this injury/addiction/disease. I havent really opened myself up out in the open about this, but its a huge feat for me and a big win biggrin.gif I wanted to share it with everyone! I love my wife and the power of that love has kept us bound no matter what. Im faithful to her, and I know shes faithful to me. So thats my good news biggrin.gif Im on track to being fixed and I think its wicked

Thanks for reading my rambling
Dan

[southga.mafia]

Thats great man,glad its turned for you.

[TommyD]

You have to hit bottom before you realize something has to change....congrats to you for realizing this and now that you have a means to this end I hope you have the strength to see it through to it's end. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

[bricker]

Good for you...its the small steps that turn the tide of depression, sometimes things that could be so meaningless to others, yet so uplifting to oneself.

[quitman]

Admiting your powerless over alcohol is the first step toward soberity . you have a mountain to climb , take it one step at a time and do the next right thing . Good luck bro

[Scheizekopf]

Good news. Hope it all works out.

[tiggerizme]

I feel your pain although I have not made it to the point you have I too have been in need of quick remedies. Mine revolves more around employment though. I can't seem to find a job to save my fucking life. I got canned from my last job because of a stupid board I was spending way too much time for. I was doing Personal Training for a bit but here recently they fukt me out of $500 on my paycheck and refuse to reimburse. I have a job lined up but I just completed my 4th interview yesterday and have to do another next week. At this rate I'll never catch up. I'm scramblin to save a car from reposession right now as we speak. I think of it as a heart monitor though. You know the little line that goes up and down as your heart beats ----^---^ that shit? Well it's life is it not. Sometimes your up, sometimes your down, if the line remained constant that a flatline.. So it's to be expected, I just hate to lose what I've worked so hard to gain.. Either way it's great to see that you have found something positive in a negative situation. I wish you the best of luck in your treatment and with your family.. THere is nothing in this world more important than your family..

[DanSteelMan]

Thanks everybody!

Tigg, Im sorry to hear about your job situation. I haven't worked since my accident, June 11th, 2004. Im looking forward to it. I cant wait to get out of this damn house and re-enter in to society. I also found out, upon further investigation that Im due a scholorship for 2,000 to go to school

Thank you for not mocking me or judging me. I went out on a limb here and am very pleased by all the great responses! You're the best!

cheers!
Dan

[krzna]

if you are down in the dump...there is only one way out bro.... and that is the way up! ... looks like you are well on the way there. Good luck to you bud, am sure everything will fall in place soon!

Regards ... K

It's great to hear you have found places to finally help you with all of this. Because of your determination you'll be successful I have no doubt. Congrats, I know you've waiting for something like this for a very long time... I hope to hear you post again that you're fully healed and live the life you deserve.
As far as judging, if anyone does they'll meet my foot in their ass, your problems seem to be something beyond your control and the only thing important is you're now getting the help you've been seeking.

I wish you all the luck bud. If you need to vent or just bitch... hit me up.